Statistics show that there are about three percent of vegetarians in the United States, which is approximately six to eight million adults who are true vegetarians. Choosing to be a vegetarian is an unhealthy and unethical choice, but in the eyes of many it may seem to be the best choice. Many may argue that being a vegetarian is the most healthiest diet a person can consume, which I disagree. Vegetarians may have a proper nutritious diet, but they do not have a balance of the things they eat and may not get enough of the right nutrients or even may not get any at all. This can lead to many health issues and eating disorders. People even become vegetarians because they want to change the way they eat to loose weight, but by doing they’re causing more harm to themselves. Many people do not see or are unaware of the affects of being a vegetarian, until later on in life when all damage is done. Being a vegetarian can even be a matter of life and death. There is nothing worse than when a person realizes that throughout their life they have been triggering their own death, by feeding themselves to death.
Being a Vegetarian can be the causation of why many people have low bones density. In a report from The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition many "vegetarians and vegans ( a type of vegetarian who does not eat products from animals) tend to have a lower body mass index, which increases the risks for osteoporosis." Osteoporosis is a medical condition where the bones in your body become fragile. In a study of a total of 2,749 participants, the bone mineral destiny of about four percent of the vegetarians where lower in the neck and spine compared to the people who consumed meat as part of their diet. The vegans have a even higher percent of low bone mineral destiny, at six percent. The reason why many vegetarians and vegans have a higher risk of low bone destiny is because their lack of consumption of dairy food products. Dairy products are high in vitamin D and calcium and that makes the bones in our bodies stronger and heather. Also many people do not even consume the substitutes products like soy milk, instead of real milk because either they may not like the taste or even because of financial reasons.
Vegetarian is the cause of why many people have problems with their dietary habits causing, the people to have eating disorders. In a research done in Minnesota by the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, 107 participants from ages 12-20 who are vegetarians and 214 non-vegetarian youths were surveyed. The results of the survey shows that kids who are developing from a child into a adult and called themselves vegetarians, " had higher rates of eating disorders." The vegetarians also "had higher rates of dieting, binge eating, intentional vomiting, and laxative use." The reason why many people start being a vegetarian is because they want to lose weight and it can be a way to "express independence." People used the idea of being a vegetarian as an excuse to themselves that they are being healthy because we have the idea groomed in us to think that being a vegetarian is the most healthiest choice. What people don’t realize that in reality they are hurting themselves and are oblivious to see that outcomes and causation of the eating disorders that comes with began a vegetarian.
Being a Vegetarian may be the right choice in our minds, but in studies shown it is not the correct choice. The risks that comes with being a vegetarian can cause major health issues. A person should not deprive themselves of not having enough of the right nutrients or a vitamins for their body. Everyone should be health and eat a balance of right foods. Many people think that becoming a vegetarian is the best way to lose weight, which is not true. People can loose weight by not becoming a vegetarian by having a balance diet and eat in moderation, while having the proper nutrients to be health
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I think this is an interesting topic that i am even interested in. The writer is taking the position the vegetarians lifestyle is unhealthy. The paragraph "hook" me because i was a vegetarian for 3 years and i wanted to know was it a good or bad idea. Your view wasn't clear to me until the 3rd sentence so i think you should have it in the 1st sentence, and i think you go on too much about this is bad, and bad, and bad about vegetarians so in my opinion just sum it up and shorten it.
ReplyDeleteThe arguments are vegetarians are at risk of Osteoporosis, and many people are just not getting a balance diet.
The counterarguments are people think being a vegetarian is the healthy way, and more independent choice.
You dealt with the opposition really well with facts to back up what you were talking about.I think your strongest point is the Osteoporosis fact you brought up because its been proven in a lot of vegetarians. What felt weak to me was the point about eating disorders it should be strengthened a bit more by going deeper into how they develop eating disorders, and why. Since eating disorder is a weaker point to me maybe you should start with that first then Osteoporosis.
The way you structured your paragraphs was like when i first saw it i got discouraged so i would say to create more paragraphs with the 2 points in different paragraphs and maybe the arguments about the points in other paragraphs.
regular:
that comes with began a vegetarian.
fixed:
that comes with being a vegetarian
KaCheuk Cheung
ReplyDelete1a. The essay is about how vegetarians being unhealthy to themselves.
1b. As the writer believe that being a vegetarian is an unhealthy and unethical choice.
1c. By using some data to have my attention.
1d. I don’t really think that being a vegetarian is an unhealthy and unethical choice, so I suggest that u may change your idea as pointing out how good is becoming a vegetarian.
2. a report from The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition about low bones density and a research done in Minnesota by the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine about rates of eating disorders
3. If being a vegetarian is not a good decision, why do people still be that?
4a. I don’t really see the writer have do anything with the oppositions.
4b. the strongest point will be the report from The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition because the writer is using the data to show the fact.
4c. the weakest point will be a research done in Minnesota by the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine because there are only a few hundred teenagers to do the research and I think the writer can find another report to replace this.
4e. being a vegetarian can have a major help with someone with a problem with constipation.
4f. religion problem
5. Choosing to be vegetarians may affect your health. .
6. “but by doing they’re causing more harm to themselves.” => “however, this is harmful to do this.”
“Everyone should be health and eat a balance of right foods.” => “Everyone should have a balance of food in order to being healthy.”
ELISHEVA LIVIEM
ReplyDeleteA. I think this essay will be about vegetarians and their health risk factors.
B. The writer is taking the position that choosing to be a vegetarian is an unhealthy and unethical choice.
C. The introduction “hooks” my attention by opening up the first sentence with a statistical percentage where we see that there are in fact many many people who are vegetarians. I never knew that 6 to 8 million adults really were vegetarians.
D. Mayb clarify what it means to be a “true” vegetarian? As oppose to what other kind of vegetarian?
Supporting Arguments:
-Vegetarians do not have a balance of the things they eat and may not get enough of the right nutrients or even may not get any at all.
-Can lead to many health issues and eating disorders.
-Can even be a matter of life and death, because you can trigger your own death by feeding yourself to death.
-Low bone density/ Osteoporosis- where bones become fragile.
-Lack vitamin D and calcium-which make the bones in our bodies stronger and healthier.
-Cause of many eating disorders because want to lose weight so use the excuse of being a vegetarian.
Counterarguments:
- May be the right choice in our minds- but in studies shown it is not the correct choice.
I think you should look into more counterarguments. Include why some people are vegetarian other than the fact that they just think that its the right thing to do. Some people are vegetarians because that is part of their religion and they cant go against that. Also include as a counterargument to how vegetarians don’t have the proper nutritious diet, that they can take vitamin supplement pills with give them vitamin D and Calcium for their bones. (Maybe say how that still isn’t good enough…)
Corrections:
1. You wrote: “The vegans have a even higher percent of low bone mineral destiny, at six percent.”
Should change the “a” into “an”
2. You wrote: “Vegetarian is the cause of why many people have problems with their dietary habits causing, the people to have eating disorders.”
-To just say “Vegetarian is the cause…” doesn’t make sense. Either say “Vegetarianism is the cause…” or “ Being a vegetarian is the cause of why…”
3. You wrote: “Being a Vegetarian may be the right choice in our minds, but in studies shown it is not the correct choice.”
- I am not sure why you chose to capitalize “Vegetarian”- I don’t think it necessarily needs to be.
Robert Bernardo
ReplyDelete1A. This essay will be about how being a vegetarian is an unhealthy choice.
B. The author feels as if being a vegetarian is the wrong decision, and it could cause harm to a person.
C. The author tries to hook the reader by giving certain statistics about vegetarians. It is effective how he says the three percent of Americans are vegetarians, showing how this topic affects millions of people.
D. For an intro, this paragraph is way to long. The introduction should be as tight and condense as possible. I would eliminate the 5th, 6th, and 8th sentences. I would also make the second sentence the first one.
2.His main arguments are how being a vegetarian makes people have a lower body mass index, which leads to osteoporosis. Vegetarians lack many important nutrients found in meat. Being a vegetarian not only causes weak bones, but it causes eating disorders.
3. The counteragument to this is how being a vegetarian is not a bad thing. I feel however that if this point was brought up, it would overshadow the topic of the essay. This essay is hard to convince people with, since the counterargument is so easy to agree with.
4A.The author barely brings up the opposing view, more could be done with the opposition
B. His strongest point is how being a vegeterian leads to osteoperosis. This is a serious disease, and this fact has an effect on the reader.
C. His weakest point is his whole argument, it is backed up well, but the opposing view is too easy to agree with.
D. The argument is organized in the most effective manner, another paragraph could be added though to discuss the counterargument.
E. A specific example of someone who suffered from being a vegetarian could be added.
F. How being a vegetarian is not necessarily a bad thing could be added as a counterargument.
5. Choosing to be a vegetarian is an unhealthy choice. I feel that vegetarians are doing harm to themselves, and that a well rounded diet is necessary. Being a vegetarian causes eating disorders and it helps lead to osteoperosis. Being a vegetarian is a seerious issue, and it should be refrained from.
6. People even become vegetarians because they want to change the way they eat to loose weight, but by doing they’re causing more harm to themselves. People become vegetarians to lose weight, yet they are doing more harm than good. Being a Vegetarian can be the causation of why many people have low bones density. Being a vegetarian causes low bone density.
7. Being a Vegetarian= Being a vegetarian or a vitamins= or vitamins...It fits better in context... loose weight= lose weight
Amanda Wright
ReplyDelete1.
A. The essay is going be about vegetarians.
B. The writer thinks that eating like a vegetarian is not healthy.
C. The introduction tries to hook the reader by using statistics.
D. I think the introduction could be a little shorter, and the writer can save some of the facts for later in the essay.
2.
The arguments the writer has to support his thesis are that vegetarians have low bone density, problems with dietary habits which can cause eating disorders.
3.
The writer doesn't have any counterarguments that I noticed in his essay.
4.
A. The writer doesn't deal with the oppostion to his argument very well.
B. The writer's strongest point is that they use studies done about vegetarians to prove his points.
C. The writers weakest point is that he doesn't deal with his opposition to his thesis.
D. The essay is written in a very well organized manner.
E. Another argument is that vitamins can't be the only way for vegetarians to get things like iron, vitamin d and calcium.
F. A counterargument is that eating vegetarian means you get enough servings of vegetables and fruits and vegetarians have a tendency of being healthier than non-vegetarians.
5.
Statistics show that there are about three percent of vegetarians in the United States, which is approximately six to eight million adults who are true vegetarians. Choosing to be a vegetarian is an unhealthy choice, but in the eyes of many it may seem to be the best choice. Many may aruge that being a vegetarian is the healtiest diet a person can consume, which I disagree with. Vegetarians may think they have a nutritious diet but they are not recieving important vitamins that you get from meat and animal products. Many people are unaware of the affects of being a vegetarian, until later on in life when all the damage is done. Being a vegetarian can even be a matter of life and death and there is nothing worse then realizing that the way you have been eating can be the cause of your death.
6.
Being a Vegetarian can be the causation of why many people have low bones density.
*Being a vegetarian can be the reason of why many people have low bone density.
Dairy products are high in vitamin D and calcium and that makes the bones in our bodies stronger and heather.
*Dairy products are high in vitamin D and calcium which help in making our bones stronger and healthier, which means we are less likely to have low bone density.
7. The writer should reread the essay and make sure everything is written in a cohessive manner, and the writer should research more about the arguments and counterarguments to his thesis.